Fast Times in Montreal

Nov. 2nd 1997

The Plan:

Leave NYC 9am Sunday. Drive to Montreal, approx. 5 hours. Meet up with our Canadian friends for dinner. See the show. Drive home after the show. Go to work Monday morning. Only one of those actually happened as planned: “See the show.”

What *really* happened:

My brother, Mike, arrived at my apartment at 9am, with the car. We watched a little of ABC’s U2 In Concert to get pumped. The phone rings:

Me: “Hello?”
Gina: “I think I’m lost.”
Me: “Oh? Where are you.”
Gina: “On Carroll St., and Hicks.”
Me: “I have no idea where that is.” (turns out it’s just 2.5 blocks away)
Gina: “It’s near the expressway.”
Me: “That sounds close, walk toward Henry St., I’m only 1.5 blocks away from there.”
Gina: “Ok.”

I start setting my VCR to record the season finale of my favorite show, Babylon 5. (Don’t ask why the season finale is on in November, it’s another long story). The phone rings:

Me: “Hello?”
Gina: “I can’t find your apartment.”
Me: “Oh? Where are you?”
Gina: “By Chemical Bank.”
Me: “Ahhh, I know where that is! We’ll meet you there.”
Gina: “Ok.”

We pick up Gina and off we go, next stop Albany to pick up Tim “Mix Master” Faul. Tim brings along some pizza and twisty bread, yummy!

As we head north on I-87, listening to U2, stuffing ourselves (little did we know, this would be the last good meal of the weekend) I noticed that the battery light had come on “Hmmmm, me thinks this is a problem.” Tim explains it could be the alternator, he’s seen this before.

We press on, it’s Montreal or bust!

We cross the border with no problem. Should have offered the cute border attendant our extra ticket. She sounded really interested, or maybe she had just heard of my “equipment.”

As we pull off 15 onto 10 the Saturn decides to revolt. The lights dim, the speedometer drops to zero, but we’re still moving. Almost there! At the first light the Saturn lets out a sigh and dies. Now what are we going to do?

We called Nickel’s Restaurant where the Wire party was going on. After arguing with the waitress who was “too busy” to help I spoke with Joelle, Jason, and Mike, told them of our predicament and agreed to meet at the stadium.

I was really hungry.

Mike whips out the AAA card, we call for service. You’ll never guess who arrives to help us out, Jeff Spicolli from “Fast Times at Ridgemont High.”

Jeff: “Hola Henry.”
Me: “Hola yourself.”
Jeff: “What seems to be the problemo?”
Me: “The car stopped, the battery’s dead, we think it’s the alternator.”
Jeff: “Don’t worry my dad’s got the most righteous set of tools, I can fix it.”
Me: “Spicolli you can’t fix this!”
Jeff: (looking under the hood) “I can fix it!”

Jeff hooks the Saturn up to his truck. I send Gina, Mike, and Tim ahead with their tickets, and I ride with Jeff.

Jeff: “Yo, where is this party?”
Me: “Huh? What party Spicolli? I need my car fixed. Look out!!”
Jeff: “Hey, I’m driving, you navigate.”
Me: “Navigate? I’ve never been to Montreal! Just drop my car at the gas station, I’ve got a U2 concert to get to.”
Jeff: “We’ll then hang on!”

By now we’re doing 80, he slams on the brakes, does a full 270 degree spin into the station parking lot, I see sparks fly out the back of the Saturn.

Jeff: “Better replace your tailpipe too dude.”

The Saturn flies off the truck, Jeff pushes me out the door.

Jeff: “Gotta split man, the cops are after me for selling Howie B some righteous weed. Want some dude?”
Me: “No thanks, I get high on the music.”

I fill the gas station in on my car problemos. He says there is nothing he can do till the morning, looks like we’re staying in Montreal tonight. He points me in the direction of the train and I’m off. By now it’s raining hard and I’ve got no umbrella.

Did I mention I was hungry?

After a few blocks I can’t find the train, and ask a local for help. She said it’s in the big building across the street, cool I’m gonna get out of the rain. I walk upstairs, people are heading out, what is this place?

Turns out it’s the Centre Molsen, and a hockey game just let out. Ahhh, cops, they can help me.

Me: “Yo, where is the subway?”
Cops: “Huh? Oh, le Metro! It’s over there.” (pointing to the train tracks)
Me: “Oh.”

Wait these tracks aren’t the subway, it’s the railroad. Hmmm where are all these people going?

I’ve never been one to follow the crowd, but hey I had to get to the show and these three kids where singing “We Will Rock You.” They must know the way, but I had to set them straight.

Me: “We Will Rock You opened the Zoo TV Tour, this is POP Mart”
Kids: “Huh?”
Me: “Sing New York, London, Paris, Munich, Everybody’s talking ‘bout POP Muzik!”
Kids: “What?”
Me: “Never mind.”

I headed deeper and deeper into the bowels of the city, where were we going?

Did I mention I was hungry?

The escalators took me deeper still, finally le Metro entrance! I bought a ticket and headed for the train platform. “Hmm, which direction do I go? This way looks good.” I find a map, see where to go: “Pie IX,” but I need to transfer. The train comes, I grab a seat, get off at the transfer point, almost get on the train heading away from the stadium, and spot some gorgeous local women looking my way.

Locals: “Hey is that a camera in your shorts, or are you just glad to see us?”
Me: “I’m glad to see you!... Got any food?”

I board the train for the final leg of my train journey. Stop after stop more fan pour in. Yeah!

I get to the stadium a little later than planned, find Mike, Gina, and Tim along with some Wireling’s from Boston, but where is everyone else? One problem, we’ve got one extra ticket but can’t find Mike Fallon who was planning to buy it.

Did I mention I was hungry?

I looked around for an hour, kept getting lots of looks from the locals. Was it my Wire tag, or my “equipment”? Hmmm...

By 8:00 I can’t stand it anymore! I’m gonna pass out, so I head in to find everyone else. I grabbed a lemonade and a pretzel (how do they get that cheese inside) and headed for the field. I found Joelle and Brian, and learned Mike found another ticket, grrrrr. I went back out, told the gang to come inside. I caught the last song of Third Eye Blind, these guys rock. Sadly no Howie B, but he was prerecorded, with a block rockin’ beat. We planned our move. Joelle hadn’t experienced the B stage yet, we had to make it. When security wasn’t looking off we went. This time it was just to the left of the stairs. Joelle got against the rail, I got my “equipment” ready. After every song the crowd leaped onto their seats, turned around, and started to scream. Novices.

“New York, London, Paris, Munich, Everybody’s talkin’ about POP Muzik!” Here we go! All the confusion of the evening, the car, Jeff, the hunger, the ticket, it was all forgotten. U2 was on stage and that’s what we were here for. Another magical performance.

The set was the same as night one in Toronto, U2 was rockin’ and the audience was great! One thing I noticed that was different was the local security. Normally they just stand there and tell people to get off their chairs, tonight they were dancing away, laughing, having a GREAT time. Jerry Mele really enjoyed it too, he walked by many times, talking to all the security, even winked at Joelle.

Some of the high points were:

Last Night On Earth: We got to see Bono just a few feet away, screamin’, thrusting his guitar into the audience. Wow!

Until The End Of The World: It just gets more intense with every show. Bono took a drink then kicked the cup, with water still inside, and sent it flying into the audience.

I Still Haven’t Found: Everyone pulled out their lighters again, it was beautiful. Bono explained how the POP Mart stage was built in Montreal.

All I Want Is You: The whole song, the whole band, Bono screamin’ “ALL I WANT IS YOU!” Incredible!

Bullet The Blue Sky: As soon as Sunday Bloody Sunday ended the lights went red, Edge leaned back and let out a roar from his guitar. Bono was already waiting at the base of the B stage, he was pumped, running around, working that umbrella. He even sang “We Will Rock You”, maybe those kids knew something I didn’t. Hmmm.

Discotheque: The best performance yet. Bono told Edge to “Play that funky music white boy!” They kept going and going, amazing. “Free Howie B!” After the song Edge, Adam, and Larry busted out laughing, it was great to see.

With Or Without You: This is now my favorite song of the show! Second night Toronto Bono sang: “We’ll shine like stars...” now only one thing was missing, he used to sing “With or without you, my love”, but I hadn’t heard it yet. Almost as soon as I think that, “I can’t live, with or with out you, with or with out you, my love!” YES! Then in the second round of “Oh, oh, oh, oh” with the audience screaming louder than I’ve ever heard, it’s “We’ll shine like stars in the summer night...” Here come the tears.

Wake Up Dead Man: Two full verses!

After the show we meet up with the rest of the crew to plan our evening. Jason Hibbard got Edge’s guitar pick! Cool!

We planned to meet up at the band’s hotel, some of us headed for the Metro, some for their cars. We were off.

Our group was the first to arrive. Jason interrogated the hotel doorman, it sounded like the band was staying there. Tim inquired about a room, they had some available, and only $165 a night, not bad split four ways, so we headed inside. Aingeal, Jes, Dana, and some others were kickin’ back in the lobby, they were staying there too. The excitement of the staying in the same hotel was the band was cool, but short lived. After checking in we learned that the band’s security were the only one’s staying there, and they had already checked out!

I was hungry again.

Joelle, Brian and their friend arrived, we got a big group photo, and informed them of the bad news. Most people headed home, or upstairs to sleep. Mike, Gina, Tim, Aingeal, Jes, Dana, and I headed in search of food.

Yes, food! I was going to get food!

We found Ben’s Deli and Restaurant a block away, a homely little joint that looked like it hadn’t been redecorated since the 60’s. Everything had a yellowish-green tint to it, but I didn’t care it was food! There were only a few people eating, but still we waited a good ten minutes for menus, which consisted mostly of “smoked meat” and “tongue.” They had an amazing number of combinations of these two dishes, scary. It took another twenty minutes or so for the waiter to take our orders (people were even eating salt, sugar, and vinegar. We were desperate!) I ordered a burger and a milk shake (thanks Joelle). The shake was yummy, but something funky was going on with that burger. The meal didn’t sit well with anyone, after dinner I heard Mike say, “If you need me, I’ll be in the bathroom.”

The conversation over dinner was interesting.

Aingeal: “Bono seemed really excited during Bullet tonight.”
Me: “Yeah, he was jumping up and down, seemed really pumped, and We Will Rock You was great!”
Aingeal: “No, that’s not what I’m talking about, he was excited!”
Tim and I: “Huh?”
All the women giggle.
Aingeal: “He was packing to the right.”
Tim: “See what us guys miss out on at U2 concerts?”

In all seriousness spending time with Aingeal was great, it's too bad she gets so much flack on Wire, she really is nice once you get to know her.

After dinner we headed back to the hotel and pulled out the Banner, yes it made it to Montreal! We rolled it out in the parking garage of Le Weston (a former Four Seasons) and all signed it. What surprised me most what the number of signatures, they were everywhere! Hopefully it will make it to the remaining shows this year.

By now it was 3am, time for bed, well to be specific, the floor. I slept well, didn’t even hear the alarm go off at 6am. After a shower with mint body wash I felt as clean as a mountain stream.

I called work then called the gas station, I was told the car wouldn’t be ready till 3pm, time for some sight seeing. Montreal is a nice city, lots of restaurants. Unfortunately my stomach was still unhappy after last night.

We picked up the car and headed for the border, but not before stopping to spend our remaining Canadian money, on food. This time it was the Big Fork Dinner (yes, there was a huge fork on the sign). Our luck with food continued, not much better than Ben’s. The interesting conversation continued, this time it was about an electric tape nipple girl and Tim’s friend’s free willy. The mystery surrounding what really happened when Mike excused himself from the table is better left unanswered.

We crossed the border, and headed for home. Sleep, I needed sleep.

Then I get to work this morning to find the following e-mail:

“This weekend, Henry Wagner was kidnapped by a hostile Canadian liberation organization claiming to be pigeon trainers. Henry’s terms have been negotiated and the president will personally deliver 4 tons of assorted birdseeds and 2000 assorted barrels of Merlot to a secret location in Canada. He will be released later today and show up at work tomorrow morning. Please do not make any Hitchkockian remarks as he may have not fully recovered from this tragic ordeal.”